Be Confident, You are a Masterpiece!

Have you ever, thought to yourself, Omg I'm so ugly, why can't I be like her, Have her hair, Have her body, Have her Personality, Have her talent, Have her lifestyle, Have her clothes, Have her faith, Be Valuable like her? Have her Etc.? 

STOP! 

Stop and go look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself, "I am a masterpiece!"

We as humans get jealous or feel as if we are never good enough, or don't like what we see. Do you know if God wanted you to have something different, he would of painted you differently? You shouldn't worry about what is different, but realize something, each person has something different about us all, God didn't make us the same, cause It was never meant to be like that. If wanted us to have a different personality, he would of made that so, but what while you are telling yourself You hate this or that, you are a MASTERPIECE. You have your own talent, Your own Personality, Your own goals, You own looks. Do you know that if you tell yourself, you are ugly, not dependable, not talent, Not valuable, people will look at you that way? Start telling yourself, I am talented, (Find that talent in you) I have amazing personality, sooner or later you will realize you start to feel better about yourself. Wake up every morning and simply while getting ready in the mirror, tell yourself I am a Masterpiece, I'm thankful God has made me the way he Picture in the Painting. 

For a week, I have listen to a preacher about this topic, and honestly I needed it, for a long time I have hated myself, But now I see what my parents see, my friends, and my man (: My little boy has always made me feel beautiful!! I am a masterpiece.

I've even been working on how to stand up for myself, I realize my anger, has been rushing in me, to the point I'm biting my tongue so hard not to speak up. Sooner or later, it's gonna come out to the point I don't care anymore, I've stood up for myself three times in just one week. Go me! (:

This or That

My Bestie Ashleigh Day, posted this, You just copy and paste this, erase my answers, and put in yours, fun way to get to know someone a little better! (: Pretty clear her and I are different people, but still Love her to death!! (: 

Don't be scarred! Give it a go!

1. Chocolate or Vanilla:Vanilla, not big on Chocolate

2. Morning or Night: Night, It's always been my life!

3. Eating In or Eating Out: Both

4. Cats or Dogs:Both

5. East Coast or West Coast: East Coast

6. Night Out or Night In: Both

7. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi

8. Laundry or Dishes: Laundry

9. Football or Basketball: Football

10. Reality TV or Sitcom: Reality TV

11. Electronic Reader or Book: Book

12. Facebook or Twitter:Twitter

13. Elope or Wedding: Wedding

14. Math or Language Arts: Language Arts (I have always been bad at math)

15. Salt or Pepper: Both

16. Friday or Sunday:Both

17. Going To Movies or Renting Movies: Both

18. Paper Newspaper or Online Newspaper: Paper Newspaper (I see it everyday at work)

19. Valentines Day or Halloween:Halloween (I hate Valentines)

20. Oscars or Grammy's: Grammy's

21. Gas or Electric:Both

22. Gold or Silver:Both

23. Soda or Ice Tea:Ice Tea

24. City or Country: Both

25. Diamonds or Pearls: Both! Learn to love them both.

26. Peanut Butter or Jelly: I can't choose one or the other both go together!

27. Colors or Black & White: Both

28. Online Shopping or Actual Shopping: Actual Shopping

29. Coors or Budweiser: Budlight can't be a Option? Neither! YUCK!

30. Breakfast or Dinner: Dinner

Waiting on Christmas...

"Oh Baby, can we please go in dollar store and see their Christmas Decor, might have some cute things!?"... "Baby can we at least get through Thanksgiving first?"..."I did not say I was going to put it out! I just ask if we could go in there gahhhh!"
My man can be so silly some times, my family for years has had there Christmas put out so early every year. I remember growing up, I use to stay awake for weeks to see Santa Clause, I was so scared about getting caught doing a big no no, cause It break my heart not getting a present. Or a stocking full of goodies. Seeing all the cookies and milk be gone in the morning, or the reindeer's ate all the carrots outside!! Yep, I loved Christmas. This is our first year of having Christmas as a family, putting a tree up for the first time, I'm so anxious! I wanna do it so soon, but I promise I wait till Thanksgiving Night to do it. Tonight however we Keith brought our first Decor for our apartment Door. A Gingerbread. I can't wait to hang it!!!!! I realize Keith and I need stockings, and a Christmas Tree Skirt! Ahh! (: My mother made a trip to Gatlinburg during the weekend and got us a Pickle to put in the tree. Never heard of it?! Oh It's a big history tale! Whoever finds the pickle first in the tree gets a surprise!! We however have to celebrate our Christmas on Christmas Eve, Keith works on Christmas morning, yes, I believe every business should be closed on Christmas! But not everyone thinks like I do. Either way It's going to be special and I seriously can't wait! Spencer is going to have amazing First Christmas! I can't wait to see his eyes get really big from all the lights. I'm even planning to take him to Orpyland hotel to see the lights as well. I can't wait to even get his picture with Santa Clause! Ekk! Ho Ho Ho! I can't even wait to see his face when he feels of the snow! Please SNOW this year! Oh I'm already getting the Christmas Spirit.

Motherly Love

There's nothing like walking through a door, and seeing your child get all excited and happy about seeing you. Love seeing his smile get so big and get all excited when he see's me. It makes me feel as if I'm doing a wonderful job raising a gorgeous little boy. Since he's turn 9 months, he's learn how to say bye bye, even put his hand in the hair and closes it while saying bye bye. Oh boy does he say Mama a lot too. Everything here lately is Mama, those words are something you never want to stop hearing. Like a song, you can't stop listening too and play over and over, that never gets old. He's even learn how to say Nana and Gigi, he loves his grandparents so much, for sure his Pa George, and Poppy Joe, they spoiled him the most I do believe. They are the reason I have to carry my son in every room I go in, or hold him when I do every single thing. Do I hate it? Nah, I don't, I love how he wants me, how he wants my comfort, my love to shine out to him in every way possible. I love how he just lays beside me while putting his little hand on my cheek and just staring away at me and smiling. His little smile shows me how happy he is, by god he's been the happiest little boy since he's been born, the first time I held him, he smiled. He for sure knew I was his Mama. He was screaming bloody murder till the nurse put him in my arms, tears filled my eyes by seeing something I never expected to see so soon. Once that smiled went across his face, I knew I had no worries in this world, I knew I was going to be a wonderful mother who will see this little handsome feller grow up to be his little self, I will teach him all the things he wants to learn and needs to learn. I'll even let him know smiling everyday is what makes your life more grand, praying to God above will keep your life on the right path. It's okay Cry. We all do. My shoulder and lap is always there for him when he needs to me. My door will always be his home. My heart will always be in his heart. I wake up every hour I hear him cry, forget sleep, He needs me more, I talk to him as he drink his bottle, I sing him to sleep every night he's with me, I play with him every chance I get, I laugh with him when he's being silly or just being his self. I'll always smile for him. I sometimes cry with him, but we always make each other smile. I'm even going to let him know, be whoever you are, not someone you will never be. Be what you want, if it makes you happy, you can be anything if you put your mind to it. Be crazy, get in trouble, do double dares, its what makes you the person you should be. Make mistakes, it's okay, we all do. (: I could go on, what I have so much to look forward to in the Future. My little boy is growing so quickly, cherish every moment.

I've never understood...

When my parents was told they was pregnant with me, they were shock as much as Keith and I was with Spencer, my parents got married when my mom was Three Months pregnant with me. Mother had a daughter name April, my Dad had a daughter name Felicia already. Growing up I thought I only had one sister, that was April, we use to get along, but we are now two totally different people, we have our moments and our fights, but I'll always love her, she's always there when I need to run too. She's gifted me with a gorgeous nephew I care so much about, and love like he's my own. I spoil him as much as I do my own Son.
The fact I'm getting too,... I never knew about my other sister till I was 13 year of age, I was going through Family Pictures one day with Daddy in floor, I seen another random girl in this picture, I said, "Daddy who's this?" I could tell he knew this day was coming. He explain to me my older sister walk out on us when she was young. I'm sure not many people know that I've never gotten along with any of my grandparents, I'm not proud of it, but it's made me a stronger person today. For years, I wonder what she was like, what time of person she was, who she was? I remember looking online for her, but she was not even online at all. One day, my parents and I went out to eat and my mom pointed someone out, it was my sister's mother and brother. I then knew her mom, I've known her awhile at Gville highschool. As much as I wanted to walk up and be like,"Hey!", I didn't. After Keith and I started dating, one of my ole friends said, "Do you have a sister name Felicia?" I couldn't help but look at her, she had a confuse look on her face, I said, "Yes, but we don't talk about it growing up." No one knew much about her, other then she got mad at my grandparents and dad. Jealousy happen between my sisters. I was only One year old. I felt like I was blame my entire life that it was my fault she left. My parents told me otherwise, it was her choice. But I still feel like it's something to do with me. My friend said, "Her mom said your sister has been trying to find you." Of course in my mind I thought, I been in the same house for 20 years, and I've had the same house number for 20 years. Of course I took the chance, hoping I could finally meet this stranger! The entire time I was pregnant, I enjoy texting her. Getting to know who she was, she always said I can't wait to finally see you again. Heck I couldn't wait to finally meet her! Even to meet her nephew Spencer. When Spencer was born, I expected her to show up at the hospital, but she didn't. Our text got a little slow and rare. I thought I did something or said something wrong. I ask her on fathers day if she wanted to meet dad and I out to eat, she never showed up or even contact me back. Now as of today, I realize her mother deleted me off facebook, and also blocked me. I'm hurt. I'm hurt the fact it was all a lie and set up possibly. I'm sad after opening up to her telling her how I felt for 20 years not having her in my life, she just up and vanish again. It hurts so bad not having a sibling not wanting anything to do with you. Of course it also hurt my dad too. :(
My sister April told me it was all a lie, and set up, she's just trying to break your heart, and cause issues. Maybe I should of listen to her, but I couldn't get the fact out, she's also my sister and I want give her a chance. But now as I'm sitting here playing with Spencer, she's really hurt me. She's hurt me for 21 years. How can you just walk out on our family? On me? On Daddy? We may not be rich and have loads of money growing up, we made it. We made it by God and Love. Prayer was the big thing growing up. How can you hurt your own little sister? So many questions are popping in my head. I guess I'll never understand, or know the answers. I just hope the rest of your life goes well. Cause I don't wanna try anymore. You got my hopes up, you broke my heart, and for most you are missing out on my life.